Blog Tools
Edit your Blog
Build a Blog
RSS Feed
View Profile
Open Community
Post to this Blog
« June 2012 »
1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
You are not logged in. Log in
Entries by Topic
All topics  «
Tuesday, 26 June 2012

I'm seeing now that the story needs Some restructuring  The queen flashback is too long and it happens after the danger is resolved and it slows things down too much The flashback with queen should happen after the zombies and before the bad guys show up.  While Jess is still covered in zombie guts and the robot ship flys over bills says we're okay.  Jess says we're not ok. She just had to slice up family members and she's upset.  They argue.  She makes the nefertitties comment.  Cut to a shorter flashback.  Then bill calls up shitstorm. Then the page where he cuts off the guys head.   Then captain dickpunch shows up.  

Posted by frankandjane at 11:22 AM EDT
Share This Post Share This Post
Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink

Tuesday, 26 June 2012 - 4:34 PM EDT

Name: franktic
Home Page:

This is why I think a quick script may be much easier to create, then tweak, then storyboard....I think jumping into the story with the Doc dying is still too early.  There needs to be some build up.  Perhaps a page or two first showing that the ship is sailing, cut to a scene of the familiy and crew having dinner (serenity style).  the sinister characters are there (they can make their introduction) and bill can welcome them aboard and tell them a very brief backstory on their ship and family (also a good intro to the surrounding world)  Then with that you won't have to allude to why there are so many zombies, on a pirate ship, with robots overhead, and then a weird submarine.  That could smooth out the dialogue some, and make it less clunky.  That dinner could set the stage for who the doc is...why he is important (so we care about that character) how the kids interact with the dad, how the wife interact with the family/crew, and the new sinister people aboard.  You can make small take that alludes to the queen's island, the mission, the fight with shitstorm and where they picked up these baddies without going the flashback.  That whole flashback can be told in other issues (i.e. when they finish the raid on Costco....why they did it in the first place).  Finally, when dickpunch shows up....the reader is nervous that shitstorm has found them

Tuesday, 26 June 2012 - 5:36 PM EDT

Name: frankandjane
Home Page:

I was thinking of an intro like I have for page one. It's posted after everything else with the patents explaining to the son about zombies and robots.  

View Latest Entries